Legal Insurance, anti-bankruptcy

I am ringing round town...... am I turning the country upside down again? Looking for legal insurance this time. After some provisional homework, oh it's called after-the-event legal insurance. So, with all the rape by fraud, I've called the firms 'The Judge' and 'Temple' with the private prosecution proposal and folks have said they straightforwardly don't do criminal cases. Among the hideous load of things, it's a possible cost order against me that I'm worried about, and I'm trying to get something that will shield me against that. But I thought it wouldn't necessarily matter to the insurance company that I lose so long as there isn't a cost order, and I thought I'd only get a cost order if I've done something inappropriate in the legal proceedings, which I don't plan to do?? .. These things are too complicated for me.

I will need to ring round more. Dooohhhhh....

Calling all talented actors!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear Ad/ Ed

Hiiiiiii….. Oh wow I hope the toys at home and all you users of them are well. Wow, will you ever manage to get rid of me???!?!?!? Your giggly ex-lodger.
Don’t worry, this time I’m talking about acting, not websites. Well. My strange Charity builder self has a few bold proposals and ideas and action plans. Among loads of things, I know our new charity ‘Fraud Do Us Part’ will have some film-making activities, I think the world greatly needs both state-commissioned documentary-making endeavours and smaller, more dynamic, more informal film-making efforts. This is the factual, narrative, analytical, research-based set of work, but I also have some other thoughts and ideas that are more creative, this should complement the analysis.
I believe the contents about issues in interpersonal relationships can be approached from a different angle. As a victim who randomly had my life turned upside down by someone with anti-social personality disorder, I think there are aspects of this serious health problem that can be combined with artistic drama to fulfil both educational goals and generate admirable inspiration and stimulation.
What I am thinking of is that, for instance, I can take the pathological lying of the anti-social personality disorder and have drama formulated with this issue, perhaps a monologue or a dualogue with the theme of deception. Surely that can be very awesome?? Okay I was at the Cheltenham Ladies’ College and when I was seventeen I did obtain a grade 7 in drama- acting, I don’t know what the hell that means. Apparently I was a smashing actress, I believe that as I really admired the teacher and thought she was a great person, anyway, I wasn’t until I was older and more mature that I developed a real love of drama and threatre. Anyway, anyway! I won’t be doing any acting myself but I think it could be a very interesting exercise to write a piece of drama on the theme of lying and deception, make it interesting, have talented and well trained actors like you, Gemma, your friends, etc to act it out – have it lying around somewhere on the internet etc. and it can only benefit you as you send your acting portfolio to people in the industry anyway, don’t you? Also, it’s a piece of drama work on deception, it makes no connection with anyone’s case whether that involves legal proceedings or not. It makes some references to very broad trends, millions of people, social science data, the bigger picture… so it shouldn’t make life particularly difficult for the persons who get involved with such drama projects.
Aren’t you fed up with having spent 8 hours sometimes on putting your portfolio together only to never hear from the industry peeps again and never get called to an audition? What a waste of time……. Oops sorry. So then I just wonder how the financial accounts of projects relating to drama scripts and acting and shooting of the acting can potentially work. Well I know film makers from St Helen’s Church who do some projects for free sometimes to get themselves noticed. I don’t like the principle of asking anyone to do things for free, it seems to be a crazy idea but then people sometimes want profit share instead of standard wages anyway and it’s more like actors and drama writers are welcome to use the scientific knowledge that I now have in my head to write some scripts as a creative exploration of deception. We don’t want to make jokes about things that are so serious and devastating that aren’t funny, but I think it’s interesting that drama is not real life and it’s a mode of engagement that allows us to explore real life itself, look at it from different perspectives- like ‘Love Actually’ has fantastic acting in it that stimulates my thoughts about real life itself.
I don’t want to go on and on and on about this in a letter as it’s provisional scribbling, and I haven’t a clue what you think about this idea!!!! But I just believe the pair of you and your Guildhall graduate friends etc. are more than capable of writing really interesting drama scripts with the proposed theme of deception. In the past year or so, I’ve read so many sociology books, psychology books, physiology/ medicine/ psychiatry books that it makes me sick. Sick sick sick… of course all the law books… but I know a lot now. I still talk to my Member of Parliament Right Honourable **MP more often that I talk to my friends.
So with this body of stuff, do you think you can benefit from all the grief that I’ve submitted to Gordon Brown and all that and… to what extent would it help you and get you ahead to leave a really charming piece of acting lying around somewhere that can only really be highly regarded by actors and drama professionals, and that can get you acting roles in the future? I don’t know whether you really care about taking major roles in film, Love Actually didn’t give you a chance did they! Well we all sort of know that the world is heading towards social media on many fronts, I’ve gone to enough work fairs to have picked up messages, we no longer really rely on the BBC, Channel Four etc. to get a lot of things done… I don’t even think that the sort of project I loosely have in mind even costs any money particularly! Think about it: 1) script-writing with a bit of consultation of medical books, but just working on deception issues will do 2) act it and practise acting it out, would be lots of fun 3) grab a video camera that you probably already have upstairs anyway and get it shot- will be of high enough quality, (N) so this can only benefit you and not harm you, plus you can potentially save many lives by engaging their attention… Why don’t you put yourself on the track of becoming a Jude-Law like world-famous actor? And Gemma? Mind you it may be a pain in the ass to be famous and stalked all the time? Well for instance Jude Law stimulates me and lots of other people a lot somewhat at his expense but at the same time he’s loaded too so I guess it can’t be that bad…
I would be happy to advise on many very pertinent issues relating to the ‘central’ issue of deception… all the things to be explored and said. And by the way, as a victim, all of the PhD qualified experts said it was not my fault that I got fucked over by a sociopath!! Drama doesn’t need to be painful.
Well, in the world of media and drama, people are constantly networking their pants off – it’s all a matter of being as proactive as possible! So I guess when something’s worth pursuing, it’s best to go and do it rather than spend time wondering whether I should do it or not. There’s no harm in me making a similar proposal to actors out there, but then to start from scratch, I don’t know them, might they be freaks?
To tell you a bit about my company no. (been bullied the hell out of doing anything much as I’ve been a public sector employee), I want to commission music and artty illustrations to convey scientific facts about neuroscience…. Pathological narcissism and anti-social personality disorder, it might not do any harm to move nextdoors a bit to look at borderline personality disorder, which is also a huge health problem. As a matter of problem solving, it’s extremely important to try to get the message out with popular entertainment as traditional methods face enormous difficulties. School teachers should teach this stuff to seventeen-year-olds but then they don’t. The government doesn’t get enough data to prove that it’s a very serious problem and that’s because many victims die so it’s a grossly under-reported, under-submitted problem. Without concrete information and case studies, there won’t be proposals to boards of education… As for the media, there are huge legal difficulties in writing real case studies, most of the time that’s impossible. There aren’t nearly enough newspaper articles about the problem or nearly enough magazine articles on the problem…. The average person in the population is very under-protected as a result. And of course it costs the state 31,240 pounds per sociopath per year, court costs etc. If traditional means won’t save lives then popular entertainment will, gracefully… As a survivor, what I aim to do is to protect and entertain people at the same time.
Right! So are you seduced by the proposal to make drama with the theme of deception? Are you persuaded that it can only be a good thing? The anti-social PD afflicted persons use and manipulate…. You - use and not manipulate…
Ahhhhh- I don’t have any toys to play with! Haven’t played board games with Christians for a while but I probably didn’t really want to hang around them as they are extremely unkind to victims of sexual offences. Board games are kinda more fun than drinking alcohol though, potentially speaking. Oh and I didn’t realise working as a police officer would mean having the force spying my pants off me and my private life, what a nightmare. I have no human rights at all, really, I almost have to tell them what I think about while having a piss in the toilet at home, it’s ridiculous,
That’s that, so, HAPPY ACTING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[signed with real name]

DSM 5

So, I filled out a questionnaire for American Research as they are in the process of figuring out the DSM 5. I have read all of the DSM 4 from back-to-front inside-out: Diagnostic Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition. From the responses it is fairly clear that I did not realise something was seriously wrong until over half a year down the line.

Who should be giving to charity?

I did it... actually had a go at a charity-affliated person today saying she should do charity to me, not the other way round. That was some kind of an old person's charity. So in the past two days there's been the animal charity and the old people's charity. At the end of the day my issue is really really not that not enough people give money to charity, but I do have an issue with how I have super-zealously devoted myself to helping victims / 'prospective' victims with insufficient assistance... so now animals have paired up with the human victims, sociopaths cut up all of them- they cut up frogs' legs, set fire to cats, dig out goldfish eyeballs, do any number of things to animals that I don't want to think about, and annihilate the old people by stealing all of their money. I have been grossly under-assisted at times and I want to take the pain of the victims with me to change that into something else but... okay these people standing in the street, they should be doing charity to me to be doing charity to others, I don't want to give money to problems on the surface when I have known and seen problems that go much deeper than whether an old person is without shelter... well WHY is this person without shelter in the first place?... it would be nice if they halt banging on about all the really obvious problems just for a little moment and start thinking about the subtle yet huge problems. Oh crap, I forgot, victims of sociopaths tend to die before they can report their problems to other people.

The fact is, many people are dying in the cruellest, most tortuous circumstances all the time because of personality-disordered sociopaths. It would be encouraging to be able to tackle this problem gracefully.

Being resentful doesn't even help me to think straight...

(I have actually volunteered for WRVS which is an old people's charity, that's not in the old people's division though it was in the emergency division, and it was pretty much a matter of self-interest that I got myself into that role as it would build up my work experience.)

Resentful... I can't think straight sometimes, it's so unlike me.

Resentful

I think I am turning into a weird bitch. I was going to the underground station a few days ago when there was some charitable sale of flowers, ₤ 4.50 a bunch, quite pretty, oh they are for CHARITY. At first I did not realise they were charitable, but then somehow for them to mention charity this became quite a sensitive issue. There was something within me that wanted me to say to the guy out loud, 'How dare you ask me to do charity? I have done so much charity that I am sick (not sick of it, but physically sick) and risked all my life and in the absence of ₤300,000 in my pocket I am in desperate need of a lawyer, do you know how much suffering there has been in the past 125 years and beyond and how much suffering will be reduced in the next 125 years if only I get a ₤300,000 -yet-free lawyer?'
Next time I really might kick off an awkard conversation saying- YOU SHOULD DO CHARITY TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOT THE OTHER WAY ROUND!!!!!!! I LOOK FINE BUT HAVE YOU ANY IDEA HOW MUCH I AM VICTIMISED!!!
Oh dear, with the resentment I am slightly mentally imbalanced.

The Charity Commission is pathetic I am unimpressed

I feel very unimpressed with the Charity Commission in the UK, their employees get their salaries but then I end up having to do their jobs for them and having to tell them that if they don't their jobs I will involve Parliament. See below.
* * * *

Dear Charity Commission caseworker,

I am now formally replying to your email of 23 October 2009 regarding a serious incident. Unfortunately Charity Commission employees have not done their jobs so I have had to do your work for you.

Firstly, according to the facts released from the Freedom of Information Act request, you say that no serious incident report was filed on [the registered charity in London] last summer, their trading address being on ___ _____ London.

Thus, I must point to your definition of what a serious incident is as far as the Charity Commission is concerned. An incident / string of events that has taken place in a charity is considered as serious if it has resulted in a significant loss of funds. An incident is considered to be serious if it poses a significant risk/ amount of difficulty to the charity’s work. An incident is considered to be serious if it causes serious injury to the reputation of the charity.
To give you some plain facts, because [the charity] employed the grossly dishonest Mr ____ until ____ of 2009 and I reported his dishonest activities very extensively, this damaged the reputation of [the charity that employed him] very significantly. I have the documents to prove that even [the charity itself] considered its reputation to be seriously damaged. The same documents indicate this difficulty significantly interfered with its work as a registered educational charity to ___ , and from looking at their brochures I could also see that they lost a lot of sponsorship money and lost the support of a number of respectable organizations. Logos that would normally be there were missing. I know that I informed 800+......

You really must understand that ... (a paragraph is omitted on this blog), By definition this is a serious incident because a serious incident is something that ‘threatens the work of the charity’.

You must now read the 2 documents that prove the truthfulness of what I am saying, this is from 2009. In the first half of 2009, [the charity] tried to intimidate and threaten me into shutting up about the gross deception but as they failed, they tried to send lawyers after me last summer. You must now examine the 2 attached documents to see the damage of reputation and interference with the work of the charity. Of course there is my side of the story in defence but I needn’t bore you with such long documents that combat hostility.

Please note that the law firm wrote ‘we have advised our client (the registered charity) that it is entitled to substantial compensation for the injury to its reputation and feelings as to which we invite your proposals.’ The law firm actually blamed the wrong person for its troubles but this sentence in the first document does indicate that even [the charity] regarded its reputation to be seriously damaged that they wanted a significant sum of money from me to compensate for it. Of course they failed to fetch the sum of money but this is beside the point, they failed to fetch the money not because its reputation was fine but because what I said was absolutely true and fully provable so I was not responsible for paying them damages–
You should note from the second document that the charity's standing and reputation experienced a significant drop last summer, even [the charity itself] acknowledged this by instructing a lawyer to write to me.

It should be reassuring for both the Charity Commission and [the registered charity] that as Mr _____ was eliminated from the staff in ___ 2009 (something that even Earl *** would have insisted on even if [the charity] wanted to drag on with the problems, with the summer ahead of them the way that it neglected the problems from January 2009 so that they exploded by the summer of 2009). The storm has been calmed by the exit of the sociopathic [man]. He will probably be prosecuted for ___ and any number of other criminal offences but this lot is fairly detached from the charity world.
I want to tell you that essentially the Charity Commission is over half a year late in catching up on its paperwork and this is a bit disgraceful on your part. The trustees of [the charity] were lazy, negligent and irresponsible in failing to report a serious incident by 2009 since its reputation was so substantially damaged. It was their responsibility to report the serious incident, not mine. They were too pathetic to do their jobs, and now I still have to alert you to the discrepancy between the Charity Commission Policy and what was not done that should have been done.
While the state of things are now more promising and I hope [the charity] will be able to thrive, I wish to remind you that reporting serious incidents is fundamentally important because of the Charity Commission Annual Returns. At the moment, it looks like the Trustees will sign the next Annual Return to say there has been no serious incident when in fact there was, so this will default on ____’s legal requirements as a registered educational charity.
Broadly speaking [the charity] and the bulk of its employees became the distressed victims of a difficult man with a massive criminal history so they obviously suffered a great deal. This is very sad and unfortunate but still, there are no excuses for NOT doing their paperwork and the Charity Commission also has no excuse for not doing the Charity Commission formal paperwork. Any less paperwork and logging of facts is a matter of negligence and this is unacceptable. Essentially negligence makes me feel anxious about charities in general. So far the regulation of the charity sector has been weak from your aloofness. It is not anything like robust and I think it is pointless for you to write down your policy while doing nothing much about it on this occasion.
Please note that you must complete your work as I have explained, at the end of the day this is only a little task. If you fail to follow up on what I have submitted to you, I can guarantee that I will involve Parliament, headed by the Prime Minister on 10 Downing Street. There is little that you can do about the [charity's] mess from last year but you must register it and recognize it for what it is. If you do not do your job, I can guarantee you that Angela Smith, the Member of Parliament responsible for the Third Sector, will have an issue with the ineffectiveness of the Charity Commission and you should note that a number of Parliamentarians have been acutely aware of the highly disturbing incidents that occurred at [the charity] already. Even they can tell you that the reputation of [the charity] has been seriously damaged. There is a combination of members of the House of Commons and members of the House of Lords who have talked to me directly about all of this.
I am afraid that I have less trust in the charity sector seeing how aloof the Charity Commission has been. Please reply to my correspondence once you have examined my points, and tell me what you wish to do. Like I said, I will be following up on this to the day that the Annual Return is filed for the registered Educational Charity that is _____ .
yours sincerely

[real name submitted]

the spy feels lonely

I really feel like a bloody spy these days. Because of the work that some people do and the normal lives that they lead, some people are totally free to pursue any business interests they like and for some others it's a completely different story. There are restrictions and limits and also once a disordered person has struck, there is too much information so some of it has to be disclosed selectively. I find it ridiculous that while I was previously described as someone who wore her heart on her sleeve by a middle-aged friend, and I didn't particularly have boundaries between me and other people at university since we talked about everything, now I even have to make notes on my friends, what they know and what they do not know. It is really really ridiculous. It's so not me. But there are just too many shockingly sensitive details. I suppose I'm still broadly the same person with the same world view, I just find the witholding of all kinds of stuff frustrating I guess.
Spies feel lonely too, or I am guessing they do. How about the people who work for the secret intelligence service or something like that... legend has it that they don't even tell their friends what they do for a living. Is there a handbook self-help book for the spy who feels forlorn and lonely? 'How to deal with loneliness- a special guide for the secret service personnel', surely this book isn't published at all? And I am guessing that the secret service probably wouldn't care about staff welfare so much, they'd probably order agents round and let them get on with their own emotional lives and emotional problems... am only guessing...
I am not precisely lonely, I am just frustrated and forlorn I guess.

This is no not me.

puns on popular entertainment

to the sociopath I can certainly say
I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER......
I STILL KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER.........

(and even)
I KNOW TOO MUCH ABOUT WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER.....
EVERYONE KNOWS WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER....
EVEN THE EARL KNOWS WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER.....
EVEN PARLIAMENT KNOWS WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER......
YOUR FRIENDS DON'T WANT TO INVITE YOU BACK FOR A PARTY AFTER THE SUMMER....
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER (BUT YOU NEVER ARE)...
I EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU'LL DO NEXT SUMMER BECAUSE YOU'RE A CHRONIC AND LIFELONG SOCIOPATH.....

a few concepts for comedy

While comedy can potentially be a great way of engaging popular attention, in writing comedy to draw minds to healthcare policy, healthcare issues and challenges in the world of medicine etc. there are a few things that I may focus on:

• the age of 15
• the state of being permanent

these 2 aspects are key as ASPD is developed by the age of 15 and it is hopelessly permanent at this stage of scientific progress.

One can produce comedy about the age of 15- like a 8 -year-old talking with a 10-year-old about plans for being fifteen, then a 18-year-old talking to a 19-year-old about what life was like at the age of fifteen, then a 30-year-old talking to a 40-year-old about life at the age of fifteen. It can be made hilarious and intriguing, then near the end of the session the issue of anti-social personality disorder may be introduced. GENTLY!!!! MIND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Without popular entertainment, hardly anyone is going to pay attention (looking at the population statistics) and at the end of the day the folks will be the ones who suffer because of their lack of information. People are mostly without the information.

The state of permanence, something that lasts forever, something that goes on and on without cessation- this can open up plenty of creative ideas. It is possible to link up permanence as a generic concept with the existence of anti-social personality disorder as a permanent condition, thereby beginning to show people how to deal with ASPDs correctly to have reasonably prosperous lives with minimal harm.

There are other useful points that comedy can be formulated upon, like the frequent changes in work arrangements (for sociopaths), one can produce comedy about changing jobs lots of times... changing life history...

Medical charities- campaigns

I was in Essex a few days ago and saw a poster for a medical campaign, about some sort of muscle disorder raising awareness for it. I hope there's a rich collection of medical awareness campaigns out there and as anti-social personality disorder is still an extremely under-appreciated problem, awareness of it will have to be generated somehow, somewhere.

Eating pencils

Some sociopaths eat pencils, apparently. Yuck. Yuck. I shall put the pencils in the songs then, next to the crocodile. The crocodile and the pencil. Crocodile and pencil.