the spy feels lonely

I really feel like a bloody spy these days. Because of the work that some people do and the normal lives that they lead, some people are totally free to pursue any business interests they like and for some others it's a completely different story. There are restrictions and limits and also once a disordered person has struck, there is too much information so some of it has to be disclosed selectively. I find it ridiculous that while I was previously described as someone who wore her heart on her sleeve by a middle-aged friend, and I didn't particularly have boundaries between me and other people at university since we talked about everything, now I even have to make notes on my friends, what they know and what they do not know. It is really really ridiculous. It's so not me. But there are just too many shockingly sensitive details. I suppose I'm still broadly the same person with the same world view, I just find the witholding of all kinds of stuff frustrating I guess.
Spies feel lonely too, or I am guessing they do. How about the people who work for the secret intelligence service or something like that... legend has it that they don't even tell their friends what they do for a living. Is there a handbook self-help book for the spy who feels forlorn and lonely? 'How to deal with loneliness- a special guide for the secret service personnel', surely this book isn't published at all? And I am guessing that the secret service probably wouldn't care about staff welfare so much, they'd probably order agents round and let them get on with their own emotional lives and emotional problems... am only guessing...
I am not precisely lonely, I am just frustrated and forlorn I guess.

This is no not me.